Things happen when you get bored. This time of the year, I suppose, it is very easy to get this way. We are in the absolute pit of the sports schedule where there are no sports on television for three days, football training camps are two weeks away from opening and hockey is still 90-plus days away.

I guess, in some sense, we are all very much like Homer Simpson when he goes a month without TV & beer:

So in between cleaning up from tiling and grouting my bathroom and watching the home run derby Monday night, I allowed my mind to wander a little bit and the results were not pretty.

The following deleted tweets do not necessarily represent the views of, it’s advertisers, editors, the ECHL, the NHL, and women and children everywhere. Tweets may not be retweeted without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.

-Were Sidney Crosby’s parents prepared to roll with Cindy as a first name had he been a girl?

-If you cut off Cody Sol’s hair does he lose his power like Samson? #HeyThereDelilah

-How great would it be to have Doc Emrick break up with a girl for you?

“You’ve been waffleboarded away!!!”

-I’ve watched “Miracle” at least a dozen times and I still get worked up wondering if the USA is gonna pull it out vs. the Soviets #DoYouBelieveInMiracles

-Swamp Rabbits is fun to say.

-Why do they fight every time someone lays a legal open ice hit on someone? #GetItTogetherNHL

TJ Oshie is an American hero. So is Alf. #Melmac

-The On the Bench guys put out the funniest videos on the interwebs. #AnotherEppyBoys #Rockets

-The AHL is expanding…maybe…somewhere.

-How many sticks does Rocco Carzo break in a season? #BustedTwig

-The Capitals will never win a Stanley Cup with Ovechkin. #ThereISaidIt

-Who was Brabham and why does he have a cup? #HelpMeECHL

-Does John Tortorella ever stop looking angry? #SoMuchYelling

Mike Commodore is a must follow on Twitter. You’re welcome.

-Dump and chase hockey drives me insane. #LugItInTheZone

-Doc Emrick could call paint drying and I’d listen.

-Is it October yet? #ThinkThisEveryday

-Define oxymoronic. Jacksonville IceMen.

Jaromir Jagr is still going to be playing hockey when I retire.

-If Josh Robinson was a cop, he could make a movie and call it Robocop. That’d be a hit for sure.

-Hockey players have the absolute ugliest feet ever. #ShovedInSkates

-Can we get rid of the trapezoid yet? It’s hockey, not geometry. #GoaliesArePeopleToo

-I’ve never seen a goalie fight in person. That needs to change.

-Do goalies use their leg pads as pillows? #PadsTooBig

-Hockey helmets are the goofiest helmets in sports. #BrainBucket

Joe Thornton could enter the witness protection program just by shaving that beard.

John Buccigross is my hero. #CawlidgeHawkey

-Wouldn’t it be great to have Doc Emrick call your everyday job? He rifled that report to the board! Firewagon coffee change!

-Speaking of Doc Emrick, what is the man a doctor of? That’d be one heck of a prostate exam if he really was a doctor.

Stay tuned for part two of this exercise, sometime between another home project and watching something mundane.

Please consider becoming a Patron as a way to say thanks and support us for what we do!